and i’m done…
the year is finally over. or very close to it. i’m at the airport on my final LA trip of the year. a red eye home… then a few hours at o’hare before i fly to jersey to see xavier play hoops, then back to chicago. a studio session to make sure goes well on saturday and some loose ends to tie up for some tours in january, but more or less my year is done. and i have to say, it feels nice.
i, like the rest of the world this time of year, am exhausted. we finished a photoshoot today and as i headed to the airport it really sank in that the year was over. they go by so fast and i’ve really come to discover i rarely take a minute reflect on all the aspects of life, let alone one or two at a time. i’m a lucky guy and i’m very conscious of it. that’s not to say i don’t take it for granted or abuse it more often than not, but i really do my best to be appreciative of all the thing i’ve been blessed with in my life. i don’t deserve most and i am by no means any where near a perfect human being. but i’m trying.
it’s been a really eye opening year for me. i’ve gained some life changing new friends and i’ve lost some i truly care about. and some are floating on this very thin cloud in-between. there is a long list of character flaws i have that i need to improve on and at the same time, i feel like i’ve grown more this past year than at any other point in my life.
i’m not sure if there is a greater point to what i’m typing in this post tonight. i’m afraid the exhaustion has put up a barrier between my brain and my fingers, for my thoughts sound way more interesting in my head than they read on this page. that might just be a good thing though. reflection might not always best when it’s shared. but in closing a few things i’ve learned this year, if for no other reason that to appease myself and set the tone for 2009.
1. i can’t express how much i appreciate true and genuine friendship. it’s something that i discovered a few years ago with one of my friends and has expanded into a new group of friends. i’m more than happy with acquaintances. but that level of unconditional true friendship is rare and something to hold on to when it happens.
2. i see more and more of my family in myself everyday. these are some of my favorite moments, when you can see or hear a family members direct influence in your life. this is by far one of my favorite things in life. they are often not tangible things, but certainly often important things. little moments when i confuse myself if i just did or said that, or if someone from my family stepped into my body for a moment. i’m really trying to attribute these more and call and tell them what just happened and how it relates to them. then most importantly, thank them.
3. like i said in the beginning, i’m lucky. i realize this more now than ever. it motivates me to work harder, complain less, and smile a lot more.
these three things… along with some a few others have not only made 2008 a great year, but have really helped me become more comfortable in my own skin. it’s an ongoing battle we all face. for all the days i feel invincible, there are as many days i walk around confused about who i am or why i made a decision i did. but as i chip away at that confusion and as i understand myself and learn from my experiences, life gets better. it gets better when you appreciate things. it gets better when you risk things. it gets better when you surround yourself with great people. it gets better when you challenge yourself. it gets better when you do more for others than yourself… and it gets better when you take a step back, slow down and live life as a whole, rather than in that millisecond of a moment or the past.
i must stop rambling. my eyes are barely open and this scotch taste to good. now let’s just hope i actually fall asleep on the plane.
3 years ago